Remind me to Breathe... [entries|friends|calendar] Christine Marie [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Bah Fucking Humbug... [29 Nov 2004|02:23pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | I wont be home for Christmas... Blink ] Voicing my christmas spirit, this joyus Christmas season... as a Franklin Mills Employee... Franklin mills... is a fucking ZOO... firstly... I would just like to say... FUCK YOU to the mindless idiot who decided that extending business hours durning the already fucking MADNESS of the holiday season... was a good idea... 2ndly... I decided...stupid lost asian people in franklin mills are the worst... they walk around just like looking at shit, at the slowest most possible speed... and they all fuckin stop in the middle of the passing traffic and just like look at shit trying to figure out what it is... and when you yell at them... they look at you like your a fucking alien or something... with the most like confused/saddest look ever... like you just shot their fucking puppy or something, what the fuck is that? YES Mr.CHONG,... ITS A CLOTHING STORE... YES THAT SIGN DOES SAY 25% OFF... AND IT WILL CONTINUE TO SAY 25% OFF... AND YESSS I AM YELLING AT YOU... NO I DID NOT SHOOT YOUR FUCKING PUPPY... YOUR JUST IN MY WAY... NOW FUCKING MOVE!!!!! Also... umm... I hate this... work shit... I hate franklin mills, and their holiday hours... I hate Dairy Queen...I hate people who eat ice cream in WINTER... I hate holiday shopping, and or holiday shoppers... and i ESPECIALLY hate fucking septa.... so BAH FUCKING HUMBUG... I say... God bless us every one... -=- Christine Marie -=- post comment

"fucker!" [17 Oct 2004|08:51pm] [ mood | mellow ] So me and Ian broke up... I broke up with him... I just couldent take it anymore... I love him and all but like... he was more of a father then a boyfriend... and he just wanted to control me... and he hated everything about me wether he wants to admit it or not... he loved me when I did and looked the way he wants me too... and he was always critizing me... like constantly... and dead serious... if he called me stupid one more time... I was gonna kill myself... like ugh... and then like I got my nose pierced and he like flipped out... and thats rediculas... its my fuckin face... i didnt tell him how to dress... or what to do to himself... and like we had no real relationship... we never did anything... I would go to his house... do his laundry... clean his room... he would come home... we'd have sex... then he would go to sleep.... I was a 19 year old house wife... and I was so unhappy.... and had been for so long... I just wanted us to work so bad I ignored it and told myself I was happy... but I realized I was doing it and I knew I couldent do that to myself again... so... I left... It sucks... but it has to be the best for us both... I know he was unhappy too... and like when I called him... I didnt even intend to break up with him... but like when I told him about how unhappy I was and stuff... instead of being like no lets talk about this... I dont wanna lose you... or anything like that... all he had to say was that the next guy im gonna be with will be a loser with holes in his face just like me... ha... so I was like yea.. this is so over... Its ok... It hurts... but.... It feels good to get back to me for awhile... selfish as that may sound... I forgot who I was again... and Im alot better then I thought I was gonna be... I havent even been home in 4 days... like... Ive just been keeping as busy as possible... and I met these kids that work at the mall... and theyre so funny... this black kid dwane and this kid terrence and dave... there awesome and we had so much fun with them... and then i got my labret pierced on friday... and nina cut my hair real cute and we put some purple streaks in it... Its awesome... for once I dont feel so bad about myself... its the craziest thing.... I hope Ian is doing good though... I still love him... but I just know... we arent ment to be... not now anyway... if we are we'll meet up again in life... I truly believe that... Oh well Kiddos.... callme! not the cell though... sorry if y ouve been calling it... I havent been answering cuz... its under ian... and it isnt right so im getting my own tomorrow... and im giving that one back... so call the house for now... or call ninas phone... cuz were always together... -=- Christine Marie -=- post comment

I wanna... lick lick lick you from your head to your toes... and I wanna... [12 Oct 2004|07:51am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Wu Tang - Triumph haha <3 stevie ] So I let Seth pierce me... He did an awesome job... its just a nose stud buts its adorable... ha the inital needle wasnt bad but I dunno the first stud we tried like would only go half way in so we hadda change jewlry haha slightly painful but it wasnt bad at all... Im alive... Well Stevie G went back to New Orleans... *sigh* have I told anyone how much I love that kid? umm... cuz I do... He's awesome... and I miss him so much when he's gone... you have no idea... :c( only 3 more years... haha... Well Im assuming Ian is gonna freak when he see's my nose... but I dont care because... theres so many things i dont do because he doesnt want me too... I didnt get my nose done cuz he freaked out... I didnt get my tattoo cuz he threw a fit... I didnt pierce my Labret, because he said its "discusting"... I dyed my hair brown because he threatned to break up with me when i dyed it bright red... and like I was really thiking about it yesterday... and he just wants me to be who HE wants me to be... not who I am and who I was... He changed me so much... and Im tired of doing what makes him happy and me misrable... I fell into that before... and Im not doing it again... so he can take me as I am or take me not at all... because Im me... ptttth... well its hella early... so perhaps I'll fall back asleep... <3 later kiddos -=- Christine Marie -=- post comment

bordum... [04 Oct 2004|04:11am] [ mood | depressed ] Time: 3:51 am. x. name = Christine x. birthday = 9/11/85 x. piercings = nada x. tattoos = nada x. height = 5'2 x. shoe size = 5... x. hair color = brown... plain brown... x. length = short x. siblings = Kimmy and Kelly x. pets = Roxy my pookie last x. movie you rented = Bad Santa and Freddie got fingered x. movie you bought = uhhh.... I have no idea? Little Nicky? x. song you listened to = Sublime- Santeria x. song that was stuck in your head = "Glen, Glen, Glen... Glens the man..." x. song you've downloaded = eminem haha x. cd you bought = I have no idea x. person you've called = Stevie G x. person that's called you = Nina x. tv show you've watched = Aqua Team hunger force x. you have a bf or gf = yes x. you have a crush on someone = hehe x. you wish you could live somewhere else = I dunno... x. you think about suicide = nah... x. others find you attractive = probally not... x. you want more piercings = yes x. you want more tattoos = yep x. you drink = yes x. you do drugs = just pot haha x. you smoke = nah... just pot x. you like cleaning = no x. you like roller coasters = yep x. you write in cursive or print = print x. you carry a donor card = nah for or against... x. long distance relationships = hey if it works... x. using someone = against x. suicide = against x. killing people = against x. teenage smoking = againts x. doing drugs = against x. premarital sex = for x. driving drunk = AGAINST x. gay/lesbian relationships = for x. soap operas = gay Favourite x. song = I have no idea x. thing to do = lots x. thing to talk about= uhh? x. sports = football x. drinks = iced tea sweetened, no lemon x. clothes= jeans and a hoodie x. movies = virgin suicides x. band = lots x. holiday = Halloween x. cars = Jetta x. ever cried over a boy = yes x. ever lied to someone = yea x. ever been in a fist fight = yeaaa... a few... haha maybe more then a few... x. ever been arrested = noope what... x. shampoo do you use = bed head x. shoes do you wear = whatever x. are you scared of = ohh my god... everything.... number.. x. of times I have been in love? = just once... x. of times I have had my heart broken? = lots x. of hearts I have broken? = dunno x. of girls I have kissed? = hahah alot... x. of continents I have lived in? = just this one x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = x. of people I consider my enemies? wow... a few.... x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with? maybe 5,6. not alot x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = probally never x. of scars on my body? = a lot.. x. of things in my past that I regret? = oh my god... sooo much... wow and im still bored... its now 4*10... post comment

Clean the couch with Tide... [27 Sep 2004|12:43pm] [ mood | sleepy ] aHoy... Im so tired, Nina wokeded me up at noon on my day off... balls... thats ok for some odd reason I have alot of days off this week... see theres this new kid at work taking our hours and junk and he must be stopped at once... last night me and nina went to the Arimingo diner... scrumptious... they ahve the best food dude and like its so fast... the service rules... and their breakfast is amazing... then we came back here and watched cinderella haha because we're cool... and now Im awake because nina woke me up... what the fuck dude... hahaha then she makes me drive to shelly's with her to drop off film... so i get in the car no shoes... still in the clothes i wore last night... and it was more then obvious that I had just woke up... ohhh yea and we drove down to visit Kauffman cuz he doesnt live too far from where we were so we visited him.... Im in love with hsi block its so cute... he lives on Coral and Lehigh... its the cutest block... then we drove my Ian's old block... Frankford and Oreleans... holyyy shatford... nott a nice place anymore... its a shame because ive seen pictures of what it looked like when they still lived there... and its nothing like it looks now... their house is like one of the few thats sill standing... or at least has windows... its a shame... oh well i gots to goo... I hope the house that he wants to fix up isnt as bad... cuz he said its around where he used to live... its on Weikle street... Movin to the hood whatch out now! -=- Christine Marie -=- post comment

Up the stairs... the station where the act... becomes the art of growing up... [23 Sep 2004|03:39am] [ mood | weird ] -()- Ever just wish you could pick one picture and live in it forever...? Ever feel like...You know everything happens for a reason, and you know this to be true because you can feel it through out your entire being... but sometimes it hurts so bad and makes no logical sence as far as your eyes can see... yet you cant help but to be so bold as to question it? Sometimes I just find myself sitting in my room staring at the smiles, on the faces on the walls... and I cant help but to question why those smiles always have to fade into a dismil murky grey... then I cant help but to think is it just me?... -=- Which brings me to this...-=- I believe there are signs everywhere, and that they are frequently sent through music in disguise... -=- " If I traded it all... if I gave it all away for one thing... just for one thing... if I sorted it out... if I knew all about... this one thing... wouldent that be something?... Even though I know... I dont wanna know... Yea I guess I know... I just hate how it sounds..." Thank you... who ever or... whatever you are... -=- Christine Marie -=- post comment

[05 Sep 2004|02:35am] [ mood | high ] I wish... I could be beautiful... and I wish... I felt I was inside... as always... My confidance hidden behind scars... and as always... The mirror never lies... post comment

Oh baby you've...got what I need.... [09 May 2004|11:49am] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | angel - Sarah McLaughlin ] Mothers day... right.... well I almost got in an accident... like you have no idea... I was over Lori and Mike's house and like... me and mike were gonna go to pick up Ian and George... and we waited to watch the part in spider man where you can see kirsten dunce's boobs... haha so like we get into the car, and these people in a black SUV pull in front of us, so we're pulling up to Tyson, on Crispin and the black SUV goes and mike was like right behind him about to follow... and this green SUV just SLAMS into the black one and it like goes up in the air, and almost flips... so mike slams on the breaks and we both get out to see if everyones ok and this older lady jumps out and shes running around frantic so i grab her and open up the back of mikes truck so she can sit there and her husband gets out of the car lookin for her, and the guy who hit them just sits theres so we run over to see if hes ok, and hes drunk... we could smell it as soon as we walked up to him... so of corse he doesnt get out of the car and says he needs and ambulance... so he makes a phone call to his buddy who was at the bar he was leaving from... go figure... he's so hurt but his first call is to his friend who came and took shit out of his car... so im curious as to what it was... but whatever... so since we were witnesses we satyed and waited for the police.... but omg.... i swear if we wouldent have waited to see kirsten dunce's boobs... we could have been dead... hooray for boobies... in all seriousness it was pertty scary... me and mike were like inced out in the middle of tyson ave... you should have seen how close we came... pssh... I was hella freaked out... made sure i said my prayers that night cuz someone was lookin out for us.... well im gonna go i have to go buy mothers day presants... horray -=- Christine Marie -=- post comment

Collage [04 May 2004|12:11pm] Im in Ry's class and he's meeting with his teacher and its funny cuz hes like critizing him and hes all agreeing with her and i know in his head hes like shut up bitch. hahahahahahah funny stuff. later kids -me post comment

I Like to Slap Bitches.... I like to slap Ho's [01 May 2004|12:02am] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Early November ] ugh... so what do I say... I dunno I guess right now Im feeling like Im losing myself again... all to a boy? but he isnt just a boy... it happned again... I fell in love again... but this time its good... we're good... but sometimes I think we're too different... and I think that, well I know that he wants me to change But like I dont want to... I like the way I am... I like the stupid things I do... I like not being so grown up... I like the fact that I can do what I want now and I have no one to answer to ya know... blah... I just want to be happy with him and him to be happy with me... fuck it... blah -=- me post comment

dreams [24 Apr 2004|03:44pm] [ mood | pessimistic ] SO last night I had this like freaky ass dream that kelly made a tornado and that no one would listen to me when I was telling them to go to the basement so we all ran away and wound up at this Farmers Market and there was like this crazy family that made us do all this crazy stuff and i was taken into this room and was made to pick between like 5 doors, and the first one I picked was my friend sammys cousin Monnie, and then like he told me to pick another one and when I did my tooh fell out... and then we like got away and there were like 12-13 tornados in the middle of the woods and like I was screaming at everyone telling them that we had to get to shelter and we had to get into the basement of the farmers market... so we finally get there and everyones all like we should have listened to you blah blah blah and i woke up... but I was like really disturbed cuz I keep having dreams where my teeth are falling out and everyone i tell it to tell me that it means something and that they cant remember what, like my mom told me this morning and Ians aunt kathleen told me and even my grandmom beofre she died, cuz she said she kept having that dream as well and she couldent remember what it ment...and the tornado's kinda flipped me out so I decided to do some research... and get this... They say that when you dream that your teeth are falling out that it could mean a bunch of stuff such as like feeling bad about yourself and that since teeth are used to chew and grind stuff that when they fall out you feel a sence of powerlessness... and it could also mean that you or someone your very close to could be very ill... and thats so wierd because I definatly feel that way... I feel terrible about myslef because I have gained some weight, not signifigant, but some... and I feelso powerless in so many different aspects of my life, especially with my relationships with people... Then I looked up the tornados... and this is what it said... To see a tornado in your dream, suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums. Is there a situation or relationship in your life that may be potentially destructive? To see several tornadoes in your dream, represent people around you who are prone to violent outbursts and shifting mood swings. It may also symbolize a volatile situation or relationship. To dream that you are in a tornado, signifies that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. You will be met with a series of disappointments for the next week or so. Your plans will be filled with complications. WOAH... its like exactly... like with my mom and my sister and Ian and work and just how everything is going like this is exactly how Im feeling... Its fucking wierd... This dream like hit me... and I guess it was my own way of telling myself wake the fuck up and do something about all this... Dreams are fucking wierd... www.dreammoods.com sleep tight kids... me 1 comment|post comment

I'd rather die, then have to see your smile.... [16 Apr 2004|08:07pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Early November -- I want to hear you sad ] so, I know I never update anymore. Im always working and junk. Well since I moved back home everything has been cool except for the fact that I cant sleep and that Ian refuses to come over, every night its another fucking excuse and I just feel like He only wants to see me when its conveinant for him, which is when I get a ride, or walk my ass to his house. His excuse is always that hes tired or he has work the next day but last week he had 3 days off and managed to go hang out with George and play pool but NOO he couldent come see me... whatever Its getting old quick and im tellin ya after tonight Next time I see him will be at my house because im not going out of my way anymore Im fucking sick of it. on the other hand Ive been seeing alot of Ry and it just feels so awesome to hang out with him again. Hes such an awesome friend to have. His house is so funny haha his fucking bathroom is so gross and if he dosent clean it I swear to god im gonna bomb it. CLEAN YOUR BATHROOM RY! EwWwWWwwwWWWw!!! well im gonna go. Goodbye all -=- Christine Marie -=- 4 comments|post comment

[04 Apr 2004|04:16pm] so I talked to chris, I miss him so much, I really need to get a hold of all my friends because I never see them anymore and I love and miss them so much... *sigh* Im seeing chris tonioght I think, he's gonna call me and let me know... *sigh* Im so bored... I made these noodle thigies and they ruled Omg I ate them all and I havent been able to eat anything in days because I had the mother of all stomache virus's and I threw up all my insides and omg... Im still not right.... I never was sick like that. It SUCKED I woulent wish that on anyone... well Maybe Matt... but thats probally it. It was wicked... anywho... im gonna go im bored. -me 2 comments|post comment

Its just the way the medication makes her... [02 Apr 2004|09:06pm] [ mood | sleepy ] blah again theres so much thats gone on that I cant even begin to type... it would just take me 4 years... but I guess the most important thing is that I slept over my mom's house the one night that my parents went out and I babysat Kimmy and we talked till like 4*30am and worked alot of stuff out and have had many conversations afterwards, and I decided that im moving back. I think its the best for me, I need to be with my family I cant just shut them out anymore... you only get one family and I know that mine isnt perfect but I love them just the same, I never thought that i would find mysekf saying or even feeling these this but like they say I guess that time does heal all wounds and I know Ive only been moved out for 7 months... but Ive grown up so much its crazy.... blah... Im gonna go im so friggin tired.... someone call me this weekend. 215-760-5273 -=- Christine Marie -=- ry smells ;c) 2 comments|post comment

get on with ya big self [19 Mar 2004|11:14am] [ mood | crappy ] hey.... woah... Ive been way sick and it sucks so bad... I hung out with Ry omg I missed him so much and it just feels so good to talk to him again and hug him again.... Him and I were such good friends and we just drifted and now that I have him back I dont plan on losing him again, I didnt call him the past 2 days I was like way sick and tired but Im definatly calling him today... Umm Ian is getting his licance soon which scares me haha hes gonna either run something big over or crash... and im scurred.... and aol radio fucking womps... just for the record.... but alas i must go i gotta go to work... -moi post comment

[11 Mar 2004|09:11pm] [ mood | crushed ] I know... its been forever... Too much to type... Kelly has a livejournal now... and I dunno Ive been reading it and its just so wierd because its like its a repeat of me... and it scares the hell out of me now because I went through all of that alone and made stupid mistakes and did stupid things and I'll never get that time back... I came too close and I couldent lose her and it just breaks my heart because its like what can I do? It isnt like Im there... and I just feel so helpless... god it fucks with my head... it really breaks my heart... I just hope to god i taught her better and that shes smarter then I was... I pray that she'll come to me... Shes so grown.. honest to god i look at her and i just feel like oh my god wheres my little sister? and i dont think that anyone could understand the way i feel because its like she was my baby... i feel like i was more of a mom to her then a sister... anything she knows i taught her, excepct for the things shes figuring out for herself now, anytime she was sick in the middle of the night she woke me up, I held her hair when she puked, She crawled into my bed when she was scared, I walked her to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I was the one she cried to, and now its like... shes this little person and Im TERRIFIED that she turns into me... God I want so much more for her... ugh... I love her so much, and I would sooner die then let her see and feel the things I did... I dont ever want her to cry the way I did or hurt herself, and god just the depression.... I just hope to god shes smarter then me... -me 2 comments|post comment

bah.. [05 Jan 2004|10:36pm] [ mood | exhausted ] Work was INSAINE today, like woah... Chaz called me the other night, he said he got engaged, but I dunno, I think he might have been kidding haha I dont know, but if he isnt then good for him, I just hope he's sure ya know. His Girlfriend is really nice and all, she seems to make him happy so hey, if it isnt a joke then good for him. um... in other news... Im tired and I need to go to sleep and yea... so I think I'll go do that. Goodnight all. -me 1 comment|post comment

fuck [03 Jan 2004|02:55am] [ mood | restless ] cant sleep, cant sleep, umm... cant sleep... I cant fucking sleep... and it sucks. My head hurts, I think I just watched like 3 mths worth of episodes of Real World New Orleans... umm... did I mention my head hurts? cuz it does... uh... I think I would give my left arm for some nite quil about now... and Ian is passed out on the couch... and I cant fall asleep when hes already sleeping because he spoils me and runs his fingers through my hair every night until I fall asleep, but he was so tired from work 2day and has to get up at 5*30 tomorrow so he just like passed out and Im just here... alone.... and I hate this alone feeling, like I cant explain it, im not exactly "alone" but I just feel like I am... and i hate it... but I do wanna go to Mardi Gras... ugh... I wish I could go wake Ian up... maybe if I just cough real loud... or like sneeze obnoxiousaly... *sigh* no... I cant do that hes gotta be in work at 6... BLAH!!!!!!!!!!! and its so sad when gay men cry... :c( Danny cheated on his boyfriend cuz he was really drunk so he called him and told him everything and Paul wasnt upset and said he trusted danny with all his heart and Danny cried, and it was sad... whatever.. GOD SOMEONE SHOOT ME WITH A FUCKING SLEEPY DART, if one even exists... IM SO TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, but I cant fall alseep.... so this is where i stop bitching... cuz sitting here isnt gonna make me fall asleep any faster... goodnight... badnight whatever.... night me post comment

Meh.. [23 Dec 2003|02:52pm] hey I got a new cell phone, one that isnt a pre paid piece of shit, so I'll actually answer this one, so umm heres the # 215-760-5273 so friends feel free to call. post comment

He'll never change... [22 Dec 2003|11:31pm] [ mood | stressed ] Well after my last entry I decided to E-mail Matt and just tell him basically what I said in my last entry and of corse he responds with some trash talking todler level of intelligence responce... I should have known, its my fault... He wont ever change. I dont care though cuz like I said what I had to say, and I tried to handle the situation in a civil manner, and of corse him being who he is, couldent handle it and is a complete jackass. enough said. Ian and I went shopping tonight, and neither of us are finished yet... Shopping with him is like Shopping with a 2 year old... "Can we go home yet" "Are you done yet" "What do you need that for" "Can't I just wait in the Arcade" "Is it time to eat yet" *sigh* he was IMPOSSIBLE the only time he behaved was when we were in the candy store... We were in Old Navy and I wanted to get him these like pj fleece lookin pants and I didnt know if he was a medium or a large and hes like just get the medium, but they looked kinda small, so I'm like come here and I try to size them up to him, He takes his bags, and RUNS out of the store... I couldent believe it... haha he is so bad, and we have even MORE shopping to do tomorrow... and then I get to wrap all the Lazy ass's presents... Well I only have to go in tomorrow from 7*30 till 9*00 and then Im off till the 5th, YOWZERZZZZZZZZZZZ! Im so excited, im not gonna do ANYTHING at all... Im gonna sleep and watch movies and thats about it. heheh well thats about it, Good Night Kids. -=- Christine Marie -=- 1 comment|post comment

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